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Tina: [00:00:00] Hi everyone. Welcome to the podcast. I have here Kim, and she's here to tell us a story today. Amazing. Thank you

Kim: so much, Tina, for having me on your show.

Um, yeah, so my story is definitely one of evolution and it starts with the realization that I spent my entire life living someone else's life. And it took for the sudden and traumatic passing of my father six years ago for me to really realize that. So what I mean by that living someone else's life is I spent the better part of three decades of my life.

Validation seeking, right? So constantly seeking other people's approval for love. And so by virtue of that, I couldn't ever make a decision for myself. I would spend my time staying quiet, shrinking. Not speaking up when I wanted to, or not voicing my opinion, I was the one in high school who hated the political debates, you know, in like social studies class or whatnot, because I didn't like voicing my opinion for fear of judgment [00:01:00] of others, for fear of lack of approval from others or what others would think of me.

And after my father passed away, I realized that. He was as an only child. He was the person that I strive to make proud. And that's where that all stemmed from, right? So bring in perfectionism, bring in people, pleasing, bring in that codependency, and that's what I realized about myself. But it took for me to hit rock bottom.

I was in survival mode for about a couple of years after his passing, um, where I allowed anger to lead my life. And then once I had the wake up call that I needed and I started working on myself and working on my growth and working on actually grieving my father and healing that, I started learning that part about myself.

So when I started seeing it for what it was, I realized that. That is, joy and love and everything that we look for on the outside of us, it's not actually on the outside of us. It's inside of us. And so once we can start working [00:02:00] on that and healing ourselves then we can really find the joy and the love and the happiness and everything that we search for, because it's already within us, right?

Mm-hmm. So when I started making decisions for myself. And setting boundaries and really living as authentic of a life as I could. One step at a time. I realize that's where the joy lives. It's in you and it's how, it's when you live in alignment with your truth that it really comes out.

Tina: You said the wake up call, was that your father's passing or was it something else?

Kim: Eh, it was triggered by my father's passing. Um, but ultimately that two years of survival that I was thrust into when he, when my father passed away, I was six months pregnant with my daughter. And I only have one. So my only child, it would've been his first grandchild. And it just, it rocked my world to my core.

And I'm an only child too. So not only was I becoming a new mom, but I was also. Thrown into like mothering my mother through her grief. That I never allowed myself the opportunity [00:03:00] to grieve. I thought I was grieving, but I, I really wasn't. Um, because I wasn't actually feeling anything. I was just like putting on this armor of strength, which was my anger that was driving me forward.

So externally to everyone, I looked like I had my shit together. But I really didn't. And so two years of that, and it nearly tore apart my marriage. So the wake up call was truly the moment that my husband was like, I can't do this anymore. And I didn't know that that's where he was at. I didn't know that that's how he felt.

So when he really confronted me and was like about to peace out, I was like, whoa, timeout. That was when I was like, I need, I radically need to take responsibility for my wellbeing and for my family's wellbeing as well.

Tina: Yeah.

Yeah, because. Obviously as a new mom, you didn't really get time to grieve at all, right?

No,

Kim: no,

Tina: not at

Kim: all. He passed away. Like I said, I was six months pregnant, so I mean, pretty much immediately after he passed you know, my parents were [00:04:00] self-employed as well, and, tradition, you know, as tradition would have it, my father was the one who took care of everything ultimately. Right. So my mom was a hard worker and she supported him in all his endeavors, but he was the one who.

Manned the house. He took care of everything. So when he passed, she didn't know what to do as a widow now. And so those initial months leading up to the birth of my child was, you know, estate planning, liquidating assets, you know, figuring out his business stuff and then separating that from everything else.

So it was a lot of, and I remember everybody telling me, take time, take the time you need. And I'm like, what time? Yeah. That was my frame of reference. I'm like, what time? Like we gotta do this anyway, so why not just do it now? I knew I had a baby coming, so I was like, I don't got time for that. Exactly.

You know? Yeah. And then after my daughter was born. It's like new mom, right? And then learning how to mother her and nurture her. Um, very short, uh, maternity leaves. I was working corporate at the time and I was also going through a corporate transition at that time too. So [00:05:00] there wasn't like a lot of moving elements in my life that really just I was just in sur like I said, survival mode.

It was just like, how do I live one day to the next?

Tina: Mm-hmm.

Kim: Grief is such a part of who we are. I mean, it's around us all the time. And I learned too that grief is so natural. Like the change in seasons, we can grieve the change in seasons. Mm-hmm. Or, you know, when summer changes to fall and we have the school season starting again, or you know, a change in anything and any kind of dynamic.

Change can bring that about. And so when I started realizing that and seeing that we actually live in grief all the time, and when we can recognize it for what it is, we can feel it, process it and move through it. And I see that now like with my father. Not only did I not allow myself the opportunity to do that, um, but I also see it as it's a lifelong thing, right?

The grief never actually goes away. It comes in waves and when you, when it comes, you just, you don't attach anything to it. You just [00:06:00] allow it to kind of come through, right? But you have to allow. So when you're in survival and you're just like one day to the next, just like, I gotta like do this.

Stay strong, do this, stay strong. You're not actually taking the time. There was no self-awareness for me to decipher between any of my feelings. It was just like mm-hmm. A jumbled mess. Mm-hmm. And I think part of that too, honestly, is I felt guilt for feeling joy. And happiness because I felt like how could I share in this laughter or in this moment with my family or with whatever when I just lost the most important person to me.

Yeah. I was very much a daddy's girl and that was, that was also very connected to like my wanting to like, make him proud.

Right. And the way my upbringing was, you know, my parents did everything for me out of love. But it's, it's those cultural, that cultural conditioning of like

You know, wanting to, it's, it, it's fear of judgment of others.

Tina: Mm-hmm. Yeah. So I don't know if this question would make sense, but I guess knowing what you know now, and if your father had passed now, do [00:07:00] you think that you would still go into survival mode?

Like is survive? I feel like survival mode would just be automatic, but then like. I don't know. How would it be handled differently, do you think, you know, as the person you are today?

Kim: Yeah, you know, that's such an interesting question, Tina. I was actually reflecting on this just yesterday because I was talking to someone else yesterday who lost both of their parents.

And I was reflecting on that and I'm like, gosh. I'm like, what would I do if I lost my mom now? Like, how, how would I handle that? And obviously I'm not ready for that. I don't, I mean, who is ready for something like that? Right? But I think that. Knowing what I know now about grief and knowing what I went through, I would be able to have the discernment to.

Again, going back to making decisions for yourself, right? To make those decisions for myself of like, what do I need in this moment? Not what do you need, right? What do I need in this moment? And taking that time for myself, um, which is so, so, so important. [00:08:00] Related but unrelated. I'm going through a separation with my husband right now, right?

And there's a lot of grief in that, and I find that I'm handling that grief so much more. I don't know if there's a right way to say this, but eloquently mm-hmm. Than I did when I lost my father. Now I know there's a difference, right? Because it's death versus something else. But grief is grief.

It presents itself no matter what. Yeah. The emotions are there, the feelings are there.

I.

Kim: However, going back to your actual question, I think if my dad died now versus six years ago, I don't know if how I would handle it because it's truly my father's passing that thrusted me into that self-discovery journey, that healing journey. So if that hadn't happened, I don't know if I would be on this growth journey now had I not gone through the growth journey.

I don't know that I would know how to handle the grief. Mm-hmm.

Tina: Does that make sense? Yeah. But I am saying if you did grow, something happened and you went through the growth journey anyway.

Kim: Yeah. Yep. [00:09:00]

Tina: I guess it doesn't really make that much sense. No, it does. Like, are you well equipped to handle the death of a parent?

I don't know.

Kim: I mean, I, I don't know if you ever can be, right. Yeah. Because that is such a huge loss. Um, but. Or not, but, and there's no but here, but it's, and right. Knowing where I am now compared to where I was six years ago, a hundred percent. I can handle it a lot better, um, because I now know how I have the tools in my toolkit we'll say.

Right? And I know how to I'm more aware of when those that like the, like I was talking about the wave of grief, like when that. Comes in. I know, I can recognize it for what it is. Yeah, so some, so it could just hit you at any moment, right? You could hear a song on the radio and all of a sudden you're thrust back into like a memory and you're, you're hit with like an overwhelming amount of sadness, for example.

Right. That's grief. Mm-hmm. And so when you can recognize it for what it is like now, especially like, especially since processing the separation with my husband too. When I get that wave, I'm like, okay. This [00:10:00] is grief. It's okay. It's not who I am. It's just a feeling. Right. The feeling is not who we are, it's just a feeling and it just needs to pass through us.

Yeah. So yes, it is the growth and through that self-discovery journey that I believe that you are more equipped to, whether it's grief or something else, you are definitely more equipped um, to handle it. Is it easy? No, it's very uncomfortable. Yeah. It's the grief is grief. Loss is loss.

Change is change. But when you can recognize it as an, recognize it as a natural part of life and flow with it rather than against it, that works in your favor.

Tina: Mm-hmm. Yeah. And then what about the joy side of things these days? How are you bringing that to the center?

Kim: Yeah, the joy has come. The joy has been probably the one that has been the more challenging for me to find within myself, and that has taken for me to shed a lot of those [00:11:00] layers.

Um, and what I mean by that, the layers I'm talking about is that la the self-discovery, the layers of self-discovery, and as I shed layers meaning, of pain, grief, turmoil, people pleasing, perfectionism, whatever that is, the more I shed, the more I see who I am in my heart, in my core, and I see my truth.

And the more I step into that, the more I am. Motivated to be more myself. And so that joy that we seek, that really lies in authenticity. So when you can show up as yourself and you voice your truth and you set your boundaries and you know, you show up fully as yourself, it doesn't matter what anybody else thinks because you have accepted yourself at that point, that's where the joy is.

It really is about finding yourself within to find that joy and that happiness. So we were just talking earlier at the retreat that we're at about the big dreams. Yeah. Was [00:12:00] that easy for you to come up with them? Because I'm still trying to figure out what my big dreams are.

So I love this question actually, because I was reflecting on this and you know, our coach obviously is always encouraging us to dream big and to really lean into our vision, right?

And so for the longest time, my, my vision, my big dream was to find joy. My big, that was, for me, that was a, a stretch, right? Was to find love for myself. I should just be happy. And and so whenever I would tap into like, what is my dream? What that, what is that? It was always going after those feelings.

And the realization I had today actually, when we were having that conversation was. Wow, my dreams now look different because I have arrived, right? Like those initial dreams I have arrived. I have, I have that joy now. I mean, am I happy every single day? Every moment? No, that's not realistic, but I know how to come back to myself.

And I know how to move through any of those like, clunky feelings that we might not like, [00:13:00] right? And so my dreams now, to answer your question, no, it's not easy, right? Because. Dreaming the impossible, it still feels impossible. Mm-hmm. Um, but challenging myself to really radically think like, now that I have that joy and that love for myself, and I'm, I'm vibrating at the frequency I wanna vibrate at, and I'm like, Ooh, I'm loving life.

Right. And like, oh, now I feel like that impossible, like, is more in reach. Mm-hmm. Because joy used to feel impossible. Mm-hmm. So it's like when you work on yourself like that and you, and you start like. Collecting evidence of things that you're capable of, the impossible seems more possible, but coming up with that list is still like, whew.

Yeah. What is that for me? You know? Can you

Tina: share any, maybe like, maybe not the 10 x ones if you don't have to, but what are some of your dreams?

Kim: Yeah. So right now, especially with like the separation with my husband, with my ex-husband the one, one of the big ones that. Feels out of reach to me right now because of just, you know, financial situations and whatever is being [00:14:00] able to buy a home independently for my daughter and I.

So that's definitely one of my dreams. I would love to travel. I wanna travel the world, and that's not something I ever actually thought that I wanted because it seemed impossible. Mm. And now I'm like, no, you know what? I actually do want that. I wanna travel, I wanna explore and I wanna do it with somebody.

And I wanna, it just, yeah, it's just like share life with the adventures, with and professionally, I wanna speak on stages, right? So initially that, that impossible goal, that impossible dream was, you know, well, let's, you know, podcasting, for example, right? You start somewhere and you start and you build the muscles to get there.

But yeah, speaking on dreams and. Speaking on dreams, speaking on stages, and knowing that when I'm there, my business is operating like effectively behind me. So like building that ecosystem where I can separate myself from it. [00:15:00] Mm-hmm. Um, and go have an impact.

Tina: What is it that you want to speak on?

Kim: I don't know. I don't know. I think, you know, for the longest time, my story, and it's still very much a part of my story, but it's, it was my father's passing, right? And the growth that I have seen in myself and that is in large part with finding my voice that really is what, what I'm referring to here, right?

The boundaries, like the staying true to yourself. Like it's really finding your voice and making those decisions for yourself, and that was my journey of self-discovery, was finding my voice. And, um, and that's still very much a part of my story, but my story continues, right? Mm-hmm. Like this separation that I'm going through right now is a part of that.

And I think that once I get to those stages, I will have learned something else about myself that I can bring forward, right? So I, the speaking and the having an impact, it's about just being one step ahead of someone else and sharing that wisdom with them. That's really what it's about. [00:16:00]

Tina: I think it's funny that you're saying the journey has been about finding your voice, because I think that's what you are essentially helping other people do too.

Yeah. In your work.

Kim: Yeah. That's exactly what it is. Mm-hmm. Yeah, and I didn't know that when I started my business. Um. But when I discovered that through line for myself, which is what I refer to as the golden thread, as you and I know, 'cause we talk about this all the time it anchored me and I'm like, oh, but of course this is exactly what I do now.

I help others find their voice. I help them stand into their authenticity so that they can also create that impact that they wanna create and like their business or in their life and whatever that looks like. Yeah.

Tina: Yeah. Awesome. Where can people find you if they want to learn more about you? I guess you can, I guess you help people find your voice, but talk about what you actually do

Kim: for a second. I'm a visibility and lead generation strategist.

So what does that actually mean? I consider myself a human matchmaker. I help ambitious female entrepreneurs get onto aligned podcasts, [00:17:00] speaking opportunities so that they can share their vision and their impact with the world. So these are women who are building businesses and who are looking to leave legacies behind, but they too have not quite found their voice yet because of whatever their lived experience has been.

Right. So, I mean, we all are have, are. I don't wanna say victims, but I guess in a way right, of like, like cultural conditioning. And we have limiting beliefs that every human has, right? We have these stories, we have these limiting beliefs about us that hold us back. And so it's, it's being able to have that awareness of like, what is holding you back and how do you step into that to like discover your voice.

And that is where my superpower lies, is really helping women discover that once they anchor into that, they have so much more confidence to be able to go out there and put their voice out into the world. Um, and I specialize in the podcasting space because it's such a beautiful space to have these connected conversations, to share your story.

Um, and so that their ideal audience, their ideal clients, that our listeners on the other side can also [00:18:00] connect with them, right? So it's really, uh, it is a marketing and publicity. Strategy for your business, but it's so much more than that because it's also a con, a journey of confidence and really a journey of self-discovery.

When you start sharing your voice, you learn a lot more about yourself. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Tina: I love podcasting because you can get so much more deep on a podcast mm-hmm. Too, versus just like social media and other stuff like that. Yeah, yeah. And so let's plug your pitch accelerator Yes. Because I'm a coach in it.

Yes. You're, let's tell us more about that.

Kim: Yes, so the Pitch Accelerator is my passion project, and it's not, it's more than just a passion project. It really is just something that I'm so deeply, deeply committed to because it's a community based space that you.

Come in, yes, you're coming in to learn a strategy, but you're coming in to learn also the soul side. And what does that mean? That's like that finding your voice, right? So what we do inside the Picture Shine Accelerator is you're learning how to pitch yourself. So it's the skill of pitching that we use.

And when [00:19:00] you think of it, pitching is a part of. Our everyday life. Right. So like on a professional level, pitching is, it could be a sales conversation, it could be pitching for collaboration, for visibility. On a personal level. It could be, you know, pitching your partner to go on a date or like to go, you know, on an adventure.

Or go travel. Or go on a vacation. Or like for me, I joke around and I'm like, I pitch my daughter regularly to eat her vegetables. Right? Yeah. So it's very much a skill and it's also a skill that can have a little bit of resistance to it. Right. So it's, it's. I put more of an authentic spin to it where it's not necessarily about pitching necessarily, but it, it really is about putting your story forward and how to position yourself.

Again, how do you use your voice to showcase who you are? So you're learning the skill of pitching, and then you're also learning how to break through any resistance barriers that are coming up. Right? So resistance might look like, oh, I can't get on this podcast until I have my messaging just right, or I can't, you know.

Get on this podcast until I have all my offers in place or [00:20:00] until my website's in place. Right? So what is it that's coming up for you that you believe you need to have in place before you get there? Resistance shows up in a number of ways. So we, we bring in more of that holistic perspective. I teach the strategy behind the pitching.

And then you, as you know, you come in and you're teaching as a powerhouse coach in the space, the storytelling aspect, because that is so important because we connect like, just like you were saying, you connect with people from storytelling. Yeah. And now. Days. It's not just about what you offer the product or the service or whatever it is, it's about who you are.

Because you and I could be offering the same exact thing and the person in front of us is gonna choose based on who they connect with more, who they vibe with more. That's where that storytelling is so effective. Um, and then we have another powerhouse coach that comes in. She brings in that grounding the soul side that really helps us anchor into ourselves so that we can work through any of those resistance barriers so that the strategy we're learning, we can now put into place.

Because it's not just [00:21:00] about learning something new, it's about integrating it. And so, yeah, so the Pitch to Shine Accelerator, the objective behind it when you come in is the goal ultimately at the end of your time in the space is you are looking to get yourself on 10 plus aligned podcasts within 90 days.

But by the time you walk out of there, you've discovered so much more about yourself, your business. So many breakthroughs and clarity moments happen in that. Space. I see it happen all the time. That's the impact. So for me, it's like, yes I'm getting you to your goal of getting onto podcasts, but I'm also, the impact is finding your voice and your truth which is what I needed to find to myself.

Tina: Mm-hmm. And also the clarity. Clarity of like what you want, your vision a hundred percent and a path. I don't know how to get there. Exactly. So where can people find more about you and about your Pitch to Shine Accelerator?

Kim: Yeah, so everything is pitch with Kim, right? Very, very easy. Instagram is where I'm most active, so it's at pitch with Kim.

My email Kim at Pitch with Kim, my website, pitch with kim.com. Very, very easy. You can find [00:22:00] information on any of those platforms. Uh, about the accelerator, and then I'm, I always say I'm an open book, so please come on in. I love connection. I love conversation. No strings attached. Come on in, let me know that you're interested or curious, and let's just have a conversation about it.

Yeah. Sounds awesome. I highly recommend, of course. Yes.